ridiculous key-word searches, and a meatloaf dissertation

This afternoon, I made a post on Ravelry about one of the more ridiculous key-word searches that showed up on my StatCounter for this blog lately:

I have a blog, and because I am a nerdy nerdy data nerd, I use StatCounter to see how much traffic I get on my posts (when I actually post regularly, anyway. Ahem). One of the functions on StatCounter is a report that shows you recent keyword searches that people have used to get to your website. My blog is mostly cooking and food related, so there are completely reasonable things people have searched on that led to me, such as:

chicken thigh recipe
tortilla-less fajitas
pork rib roast
adding seaweed to soup
paleo meatloaf

However, today I logged in, looked at the keyword search thingy, and one came up that had me simultaneously snorting with laughter and WTF’ing:

one girl one meatloaf

Now…I know how my blog ended up in their search with this, because the blog is titled “One Girl Cooks”, and I’ve posted a lot about meatloaf. BUT STILL. I really have to wonder what the person who did a Google search on “one girl one meatloaf” was REALLY looking for. I’d like to believe that it was a single woman looking for an individual-portion meatloaf recipe maybe, buuuuuuut…yeah.

/cool story, meatloaf

The conversation quickly turned to meatloaf, of course, and at one point I was asked for my meatloaf recipe. I tried to explain that I don't really do recipes because I lack the attention span to, you know, measure things and take notes, but then I ended up writing what I am calling a stream-of-consciousness meatloaf dissertation. I thought readers might find it helpful, or at least entertaining, so here you go:

I make a few different versions - one that uses spinach for filler, one that uses minced mushrooms for filler, and my regular one that can be done with normal bread crumbs or gluten-free ones. If you want to use spinach, get frozen chopped spinach, thaw it out, squeeze as much liquid as you can out of it, and add it directly to your mix. If you want to use mushrooms, I would suggest either button mushrooms or baby bella. Mince them up very fine, toss them in a hot pan with a little fat to lubricate, a little salt, and some garlic and/or herbs if you want (thyme and rosemary are nice). Cook until mushrooms have released their liquid, then let cool for a few minutes and add to your meat mix. My bread-crumb version just involves soaking some bread crumbs (I use GF ones) in a little milk (I use almond milk, but whatevs) and adding that to the mix. I also add a beaten egg or two to my mix as a binder.

Onions, I feel, need their own paragraph, because I have FEELINGS about them. I hate big chunks of onion in meatloaf. I actually grate my onion (food processor for the win) so that it’s pulp and juice, because a) it gets the onion flavor more thoroughly incorporated, and b) you aren’t crunching on pieces of onion as you eat. Not everyone is as picky about this as I am. Do what you feel is right.

For meat, I like to use a mix of ground pork, beef and veal (at my grocery store, you can get 
“meatloaf mix”, which has all three in it). You want a mix with a fair amount of fat in, otherwise your meatloaf is going to be dry. Meatloaf is really not the time or place to be worried about calories.

Seasoning-wise, I like the afore-mentioned HP sauce immensely, but if I don’t have it on hand, I will usually spice my meatloaf with salt, pepper, a little bit of allspice, garlic, and thyme. Rosemary is good, too. Sage is good if you’re using mostly pork - gives you a kind of sausage-y flavor.

You want to cook the meatloaf until it registers 170-ish in the middle, whether you’re cooking a big one or mini ones. I say “ish”, because you can pull them at like low to mid 160’s and let carry-over cooking do the rest if you’re going to be working on sides for another 10 minutes or so…but that’s up to you, and that’s something that makes some people really twitchy.

If you’re making mini meatloaves, what I like to do is form the mini-loaves and sear the tops and bottoms in a ripping-hot pan, then transfer them to a parchment-lined cookie sheet and bake at 400 degree for about 20 minutes or so. If you’re making one big meatloaf, it’s going to take a lot longer to cook - like an hour probably, depending on how much mix you have. Even when I’m doing a big loaf, I still cook it on a cookie sheet rather than in a loaf pan, because it lets some of the grease escape and it gives the whole thing a nice crust.

You can glaze your loaf as it’s cooking (barbecue sauce is good, HP sauce is awesome, please god don’t use ketchup and ruin all your hard work), or you can get super meat-porny and lay bacon strips over the top (do them width-wise, not end to end, otherwise you end up with bacon bits when you cut into it to serve).

meatloaf porn

Husband's birthday is Tuesday and I told him that I would either take him out for dinner, or make him a meal of his choosing. He decided that rather than go out, he'd like meatloaf. Since meatloaf is fairly labor-intensive, he was amenable to the idea of having his birthday dinner a few nights early. Thus, this is technically husband-birthday-meatloaf-porn.

I've now said "porn" twice. I'll just sit back and watch the hits roll in...

Ahem.

Anyway - this meatloaf is my standard "green meatloaf" recipe - I don't put breadcrumbs in it, but instead use minced mushrooms and spinach for fillers. Sounds weird and like it wouldn't work, but I've yet to have a meatloaf fail to hold together since switching to this method. What you want to do is saute the minced mushrooms for just a few minutes to get them to release their liquid, and squeeze the excess moisture out of the spinach (I use frozen chopped spinach - I just defrost it and squeeze the bejeezus out of it before adding it to my mix). A couple eggs, some salt and pepper, grated onion, garlic and carrot, a little dry mustard, a 50/50 mix of ground beef and ground pork, and all it needs is some serious squishing together and a nice bacon jacket.

Yes, bacon jacket. Come on, if you could wrap yourself in bacon you know you would.

Bacon jackets for all!

That is also real-deal mashed white potato, for the record. Birthdays call for indulging in a little extra starch, at least around here.

mushroom mini-meatloaf

May I please just say...OMG SO GOOD!!! There are not words to describe the utter nomminess that these meatloaves contained. Seriously. Maybe it was just because I was really hungry and had already put away a hefty glass of wine, but I'm pretty sure these were the best damn meatloaves I've ever eaten, let alone made!

I used a mix of ground turkey, pork and beef - about half a pound or so of each, along with 3 tablespoons of Worchestershire sauce, a tablespoon of Dijon mustard, a teaspoon each of garlic powder and onion powder, a little salt, a good teaspoon or so of coarsely ground black pepper, a tablespoon of dried thyme, and one egg. You'll notice there's no bread crumbs. This is where the mushrooms come in! I chopped up about a cup of button mushrooms and mixed those in rather than the breadcrumbs. Wasn't quite sure how this would work, but I was willing to give it a chance!

The meat mixture was packed into four mini-loaves and seared both sides in a non-stick frying pan. Just to gild the meaty lily, I had a lone slice of bacon hanging out in the fridge that needed to be used up, so I cut it into four equal pieces and laid one on top of each mini-loaf, then placed on a foil-lined baking sheet and popped into a 500 degree oven for about 15 minutes. Searing the outside makes it nice and crisp, and then cooking it quickly in a super-hot oven preserves the crispness and doesn't allow the loaves to dry out as they might in a longer cook in a slower oven. When the loaves hit about 140, I pulled them out and let them sit for 5-7 minutes while I steamed some broccoli for a side-dish.

The mushrooms worked perfectly. They kept the loaves juicy, and unlike breadcrumbs, actually contributed to the flavor. The bacon was impossibly crisp on the edges and melting in the middle, and the juices from it sort of basted the meat loaves as it rendered. I am not lying when I tell you that I could eat one of these a day for a week and be a very happy woman!

Husband-requested meatloaf and onion gravy

My husband likes meat a lot. As in, when I ask him what he wants for dinner, his usual response is "some kind of meat and something to go with it". This afternoon when I asked him if he had any requests for dinner, it went like this:

me: Is there anything specific you want for dinner tonight?
him: Yes! Meatloaf!
me: ...meatloaf? Really?
him: YES! I would like meatloaf and mashed potatoes.
me: Ok. Meatloaf and mash...got it.
him: And peas!
me: Alright...and peas.
him: And onion gravy!
me: Meatloaf, mash, peas AND onion gravy. Sheesh. Ok.
him: *happy grin*

I used to HATE meatloaf as a kid (sorry Mom), so I'm always interested in trying different meatloaf recipes in an attempt to find the perfect one. I came pretty damn close tonight, and the recipe was right in my own kitchen all along! My much-loved and well-used copy of Mark Bittmann's "How To Cook Everything" had a nice simple meatloaf recipe that sounded worth a try. So...I got to work!

The recipe calls for 2 lbs of ground meat, and Bittmann suggests mixing beef with something else - veal, pork, what have you. I used a pound of nice lean ground round, and a pound of ground pork. I added breadcrumbs soaked in milk, a beaten egg, salt and pepper, some grated garlic, a smallish onion (also grated - it's way less work than mincing), and chopped parsley. The recipe called for sage, either fresh or dried. I was out of sage, which I didn't realize until I was elbow-deep in meat, so that was a bummer and I had to skip it. It also called for a minced carrot. I grated mine instead of mincing it. I mixed everything up by hand (my least favorite part) and formed it into a loaf on the rack of my broiler pan. I like cooking it this way rather than in a loaf pan because then you get a nice crust on most of the surface. A lot of what I never liked about meatloaf as a kid was the texture of it after it had cooked in a loaf pan in its own grease. Blech. Anyway - I liberally applied a layer of HP Sauce on the surface of the loaf, and popped it into the oven at 350 and cooked it for about an hour.

While the meatloaf was cooking I peeled 5 big russet potatoes and cut them into medium chunks. I boiled them till tender, then drained them and set them aside. For the gravy I thinly sliced one large white onion and cooked it down in a pan with about 2 tbsp each of olive oil and butter (hey, I didn't say it was healthy...that's why we don't have it every day or even every week). When the onions were nicely browned and softened I sprinkled 2 tablespoons of all purpose flour and a little black pepper into the pan and stirred thoroughly. I let the roux cook to a dark golden color, then added in about half a cup of beef stock and whisked vigorously. I let that cook about 30 seconds until it thickened, then added more stock and whisked again. Once it thickened up the second time I added the rest of the stock and whisked again, then turned the heat down and let the gravy bubble gently and reduce.

The potatoes were ready to mash at this point so I tossed in some butter and milk, salt and black pepper, and mashed away. I can never get them entirely smooth but I don't mind, really. Having some lumps in them reassures me that they're real potatoes, I think. ;)

The meatloaf came out of the oven just as the gravy was getting thickened up again. I put half a bag of frozen peas in a pot with 1/4 cup of water and covered, letting them steam while the meatloaf rested. When the peas were done, it was time to eat!



I don't have a gravy boat so yes, my gravy was in a Campbell's Soup cup. ;) The meatloaf was, in a word, wonderful. Really and truly. It was incredibly juicy without being greasy, and it had such good flavor. I can only imagine that having the sage would have made it even better (because I love sage). The only thing I'd change about the meatloaf recipe is that next time, I'll omit the carrot. It just didn't add to the flavor in a constructive way, I didn't think. I kept noticing it and thinking "what's that I taste? Oh, carrot again...yeah..." Other than that, this is most certainly going to be my go-to meatloaf recipe from here on out.



See how juicy? NOM! Also, this is a good shot of my gravy. I originally came up with the gravy recipe when Mark was explaining "Bangers and Mash" to me, since I'd never had it. It took a couple tries to get it right, but now that I've got it down, it's super easy (though not quick).

Mark is already looking forward to meatloaf sandwiches for lunch tomorrow! ;)